Campaign coverage
I would like to formally thank U of A student Dan Knechtel without whose initiative and dedication this campaign would have never happened. A handful of sociopathic volunteers also provided invaluable help by putting up posters and making Space Moose's grim intentions known on campus.
It is impossible to capture the true spirit the campaign - the tears, the shrieks of joy, the acrid smells emanating from people's pants. What follows is a breakdown of all the written material produced regarding Space Moose's struggle for power. Enjoy.
The poster
I submitted the campaign poster as shown at the top of this page to the Returning Officers (election officials). They would not approve it because it contained the word "fucks." After a futile discussion about free expression, I yielded and crudely replaced the word "fucks" with "turds," which they accepted.We made 300 posters and plastered 250 of them in every major building on campus on the first night of the campaign. 50 were kept in reserve. By the second night, about 90% of the posted posters had gone missing. They had become quite a hot collector's item. Stupid fans were stealing them faster than we could put them up, thus rendering the poster campaign almost useless.
Finally, Dan appealed to the Returning Officers and requested a new batch of Space Moose posters. The motion was raised at a campaign managers meeting, and after the obligatory 24 hour waiting period, no one had objected. So, we printed off 400 more. This time when posting we used tons of tape and tore most of them down the middle to reduce the collector value. Still, they disappeared. I roamed the halls for hours every day replacing missing posters. I was ready to fuck people up really bad if I ever caught them taking Space's posters down. I never caught anyone.
On the last day of the campaign, I handed out the remaining posters at a table in HUB Mall and signed them for loyal fans who swore they would vote for Space Moose.
The pamphlet
When I submitted the pamphlet to the Returning Officers, I was fully expecting to encounter more squeamishness about foul language and material. Much to my surprise, they loved it and approved it without question. I cannot help but wonder if my previous fuss about the poster somehow eased this decision.We originally printed off 500 pamphlets, which we distributed mostly from tables set up around campus. By the third day of campaigning, we had almost completely run out. People were coming by asking, "do you have any more of those pamphlets?" and "can I take a couple of extras for my friends?" Yeah, like you have any friends.
Dan was able to tweak the budget just enough to afford a second printing of about 125 pamphlets making Space Moose the only candidate to spend every last penny.
Gateway coverage
The Gateway was very good to Space Moose during the campaign. With his promise to turn the little college rag into something more like Hustler magazine, how could they not support him?The Results
On Thursday, March 13, the election results were announced. They were not good.
| Stephen Curran | 2026 votes |
| Hoops Harrison | 1411 |
| Space Moose | 1400 |
| David Losey | 911 |
| Kris the Masturbation Man | 220 |
| James McLeod | 192 |
About 23% of the students turned out for this election, which is 2% shy of a record high. What hurts Space Moose the most is not losing the presidency, but getting edged out of second place by a guy named "Hoops."